What happens when Christmas and idiotic people meet

What happens when Christmas and idiotic people meet

Let me get something straight from the outset. I’m not calling you an idiot. My audience is way too intelligent for that. But what I would like to demonstrate today is that things get a little crazy around this time of year and it’s important to be careful of all the actual idiots out there.

Here’s a list of a few things my family have witnessed already this week:

Incident 1: The car accident (almost fatal)

My husband pulled a man out of a vehicle who fell asleep at the wheel in front of him. The man veered onto oncoming traffic (luckily there was no-one in his path) and then he hit a power pole, which then fell onto the road. All services were called in as there were live wires on the road. The man was saved by his airbags and left extremely shaken.

The point:

  1. If you are driving and tired – pull over and have a power nap
  2. Don’t undertake ridiculously long drives for no logical reason
  3. Drive as defensively as you can and assume everyone is an idiot – even if they’re not
  4. Try not to drive at 2am-5am in the morning as there are plenty of idiots (usually drunk or on ice) on the road at that time
  5. Exercise kindness on the roads if possible

Incident 2: The cray cray mother

Then my hubby when to play basketball with our son and witnessed a mother going crazy in the carpark. She was berating her young son so heavily that my husband almost called the cops and had to intervene. The lady approached my hubby later to explain herself but be aware of the following:

  1. Kids will be kids – be patient
  2. Heat and parenting can be hard, try to stay cool
  3. If you do feel you might ‘lose it’ – walk away and calm down
  4. Take measures to give yourself parenting breaks over the long summer holiday (arrange swapsies with friends or ask a nice relative to help out)
  5. Plan the school holidays well so the kids will be well occupied

Incident 3: The woman screaming at the counter at the chemist

I went to the chemist where a woman was ‘losing it’ at a small error the shop assistant had made. The remarks were totally rude and over the top.

  1. Understand that shop assistants try their best
  2. Be kind and courteous at all times
  3. Don’t lose it over trivial things
  4. Most things can be sorted out without anger
  5. People (i.e customer service agents) are much more likely to help if you’re polite

These are just three incidents I’ve experienced this week leading up to Christmas. For one family, I feel there’s a lot of stupidity and ‘fed up-ness’ happening out there.

What to do

  1. Don’t let the heat and rush turn you into someone you’re not
  2. Holidays are fleeing – enjoy them as much as possible
  3. Avoid idiots at all costs – they’re stupid and downright dangerous
  4. Drive safely – it’s a jungle out there

Here are 30 things you shouldn’t do if you don’t want to be an idiot this Christmas

  1. Try to ride a jet ski through the snow
  2. Start a motorbike when you’re not sitting on it
  3. Drive your car down a ditch
  4. Chop a tree down while standing on a ladder so it then falls on you and pushes you off
  5. Get on a motorbike and crash into all your other biker friends
  6. Push a couch of a third floor when your neighbour on the second floor balcony is in the way
  7. Hit yourself with the end of your own axe in your private parts
  8. Get run over by a go-kart with no-one in it
  9. Carry your girlfriend on your wheelchair while going down some stairs
  10. Push your friend over while out enjoying a bike ride
  11. Smack yourself into the side of a wall while doing a backward dive into water
  12. Drive off with the petrol pump still in your car
  13. Try to cling onto a wall that is not properly secured
  14. Do pushups fast but then forget to put your hands in front of you
  15. Stick your head into a trampoline after sliding down your kid’s slide
  16. Dive into a pool with a concrete island in the middle of it
  17. Smack yourself in the head with a baseball bat
  18. Walk into your own garage door because you’ve not lifted it high enough
  19. Climb up a tall tree and hang on the top until it snaps and dumps you onto the ground below
  20. Skateboard into a bus shelter and snap the glass side into a woman in the bus shelter
  21. Start riding a motorbike a metre from the steps of your house
  22. Somersault into a wire fence
  23. Cartwheel into your friend who is holding a hoola-hoop while attempting to go through the hoop.
  24. Smash your way into a store under infrared light and then try to escape through the unsmashed door
  25. Dive into a pool and then smack your face into the concrete at the bottom
  26. Try to dive off a high diving board but cling to the edge while diving so you smack into the second diving board
  27. Suspend a tall ladder in the air and hope it will stand up without hurting people
  28. Go to a music event and then dive into the crowd from the 1st floor balcony
  29. Throw a full can of beer to a friend from a far distance and hope it doesn’t bounce off a window and into your friend’s head
  30. Dive off a cliff into water so you land on your back

And here’s a visual of the extreme idiots you might encounter these holidays and Christmas time